It's Round and It's White
I have never been able to comprehend why people don’t understand the importance of football and indeed its meaning to the people that go to games religiously.
This most infuriating and partly fulfilling of sports holds a fist like grip upon us that no religion could ever compare with, supporting a football team properly is (1) when you spend money you don’t have (2) make arrangements to follow your club which are entirely selfish that eventually will result alienating yourself from your family and friends (3) you don’t care about point (2) and point (4) repeat steps 1-3 over forty times a season, following a football club properly to this degree is similar to being a member of a cult of ‘Jones- Town’ proportions.
Whilst I accept that my opening gambit will never make me a graduate of Plato’s Philosophical Charm School, there is logic that only us ‘Special Ones’ can ever be privy to.
When you ‘support’ a Football Club you do exactly that, you pay, you watch and you are entitled to your opinion I am not referring to those who subscribe to Sky Sports and wheel their Plasma TV outside into the garden when their team play an away fixture.
I detest the word ‘Fan’ it derives from the word ‘fanatic’ these ‘types’ are not fanatics nor are they supporters or followers they are opinionated and bothersome who don’t put a penny back into the game.
You don’t need to be a Scientologist to work out that you feel the same amount of happiness or pain from a result from the warmth and comfort from your arm chair in winter like you do when you are supporting your team on a cold Tuesday night 200 miles from home- Fact.
Please do not go to the trouble of explaining your ‘thoughts’ to me the next day regarding the situation at my club your opinion is about as popular as Nick Griffins on Question Time, the usual phrases are churned out; ‘We need 3 new players’ – (If they knew what was going off behind the scenes they would know we are skint) or ‘We won’t get relegated – too good to go down’ (How would you know, you haven’t been since Boxing Day last season, we are atrocious) then the piece de resistance ‘Lost 5-4 didn’t we? …still sounds like a great game, did you go?’ (How dare you question my loyalty of course I went, did you not see my hand gestures on TV when we let the 3rd one in after 20 minutes?)
This type of attitude and dialogue towards such ‘characters’ has made me something of a social relic a labelling of my character which has placed me in quite a precarious social position.
Exeter – Isn’t ‘A long way’ so please don’t say ‘I don’t know why you bother going’ or’ You should stop going to away games’ what! – I would sooner quit home games!
The realists amongst us know that we don’t support our clubs for the glory we all know that we will be left continually exasperated time and time again and vow to defect to the dark side, the side where grown men watch the X Factor Tour or wash their car on a Saturday and perhaps if you have had a proper beating off Leyton Orient book a weekend away!
Once the dust has settled and we have collected our thoughts by six ‘o’ clock the same evening we are making plans already for Tuesday night at Tranmere, in fact we will be looking forward to it, it can’t be any worse than what we have witnessed three hours earlier.
It is this type of dedication and loyalty that is a rarity in today’s society it should be commended not criticised, As the ‘Special Ones’ we are always full of optimism in August, deflated by November, Jaded by March and drained by May, but at least we are unpredictable and we have a passion for something we believe in, I don’t want to go to IKEA on Saturdays, their hotdogs aren’t as good as Blackpool’s’ so why can’t these amoeba’s understand this?
Why do people do such an inconceivable act like getting married in the football season? It’s nothing short of a completely selfish act, it cheap for a start and the biggest indication that two people do not love each other enough (In my head anyway).
These are not the type of people who I want to be associated with for god’s sake, football allows you three months off in the summer to cater for this, and the weathers much more pleasant so why let me endure this torture?
When you are unfortunate enough to find yourself at a wedding or a christening, similarly to a school kid boasting about their 50m swimming badge, a football supporter will leave quickly mark their territory.
Firstly find out who supports who- then judge instantly, Secondly- do they go to games? Judge them some more and then go in for the kill… For the avoidance of doubt we will reel off our record of how many grounds we have visited and our proud record of how many games we have missed in the past twenty or so years, also list the ones you missed- just because you can.
Beware there will be a backlash and its usually the following ‘It’s ridiculous what they get paid these footballers (wait for it…it’s coming, you know the old favourite)…especially when you consider what a Doctor a Nurse gets paid’ at this stage they look at you as if its ‘our’ fault, like we tell the Football Clubs what to pay, we know they are overpaid prima donnas
but they are ours and we love to hate them and criticise their limitations, but we know what their limitations are and if you put down your glass of Cava I will tell you what they are one by one.
No sport holds the same dedication as Football, if you don’t care then don’t pretend to, but don’t criticise, I have never heard anyone pick faults over the impact the Daily Mail has on people’s opinions whilst we are nibbling over the Sugared Almonds and stashing the bitter mint chocolates in our suit pockets, so please don’t do the same to what we love.
We wouldn’t do it to you because we understand what a passion means; we have too much respect for others, which is of course ok unless you’re sat on a table infested with those Rugby types, in that case, please ignore all of the above.
