Follow It's Round and It's White on Facebook

Louis Van Gaal: In Memorium, the Iron Tulip has decided not to return to football management

Tuesday 17th January 2017
It's official: Louis Van Gaal won't be returning to football management. The Iron Tulip has cited his family as the main reason for his change of heart as one of his daughter's lost her husband last month. A moment's silence for the mad Dutchman if we may and a look back at what made him one of the Premier League's biggest personalities during his short stay.

It's ‘Squeaky Bum Time' Louis…

Yes, the giant Dutchman once confirmed to the press that his ‘ass' had been ‘twitching' on the United bench at various times during the season. We assume that LVG was referring to Sir Alex Ferguson's squeaky bum time that occurs when a side is defending a narrow lead in the latter stages of a game.
Hilarious but so very wrong if you think about it – the doctors should probably look at LVG's bottom to be sure.

Amateur Dramatics

Can anyone forget LVG's theatrics on the touchline against Arsenal? If an opposing player looks to have dived; just have a word in the fourth official's ear and have your opinion put on record. Under no circumstances collapse in a 64-year-old heap on the ground – clipboard and all.

Captain's Log

Chris Smalling's Wikipedia page is regularly amended to feature Michael as one of his middle names; but why?

Well, LVG was recounting the players he considers to be his team captains, whilst sat next to Chris Smalling, and declared he has Wayne Rooney, Michael Carrick and… pointing in the England international's direction… MIKE Smalling!?
Players had to arrive 15 minutes earlier for training from then on for the register…

An eye for an eye

Very little to say here – FA Cup game at Shrewsbury, not going well, LVG jabs himself in the eye with a pencil to avoid watching any more of the misery.

The military approach

Are there any United fans that didn't leave the pub after a victory screaming: “Louis Van Gaal's Army” in a comedy Dutch accent?

Admit it, you did it.

The Last Day

The Manchester United squad were victorious in the FA Cup final and it would turn out to be LVG's last game in charge. Bizarrely, only LVG didn't know it would be his last game in charge before the game kicked off – the rest of us all knew Jose Mourinho was packing his bags for Manchester.

The press reported Jose Mourinho's rumoured arrival on the day of the final and the morning after, outside the hotel LVG and the team stayed at, a photographer snapped a picture of the angriest Dutchman in the world.


So long LVG and thanks for the memories; my ass will be twitching for years to come.
Kristian Webb
A Manchester United fan who actually knows where Manchester is; I'm the chief writer for AccumulatorTips, ForzaSwansea and a contributor to WhatCulture's video game section. I'm a professional proofreader, content author and SEO Expert but that doesn't mean there won't be the odd grammatical error!

Total articles: 121

Latest Opinion Articles